1. This is probably one of the biggest tips I have. If you're a teenage dad and you Don't already have a job, GET ONE! Especially if you've already dropped out of school, there is NO reason you can't get a full time job. Factory jobs tend to pay ten dollars and up. Find one of those and stick with it. Unless you're going to college, there is really nothing better that you can do than get a good job that can support your family.
2. You have dreams and aspirations. Everyone does. But those need to go on hold for a while. Jesse has been preparing his entire life for being a musician. He's been playing guitar since he was a kid and he's gotten REALLY good in the past ten years, but regardless, he sets this aside because his 13.50/hr job is much more important. That job is what is going to provide for us, not an occasional gig every few weekends.
3. Whether you're in a relationship with your baby Mama or not, you need to get along. That teen mom crap you see on TV? That's NOT how this should go. The world doesn't need another Keefer, or any other idiot on those shows that don't want the 'daddy gig' because they'd rather be a 'gangsta DJ'. Seriously. Your baby needs an angry free environment to grow up in. They deserve that.
4. Be loyal to your family. If you get ticked off about your girlfriend giving someone a simple hello, there shouldn't be any reason in the world for you to text and talk to a bunch of other girls. This whole double standard thing has got to stop. It's annoying and stressful and shouldn't be happening around a child.
5. Sure, you worked all day. That doesn't mean you kick your muddy boots off right in front of the door, pull your socks off and throw them on the couch, and then go into the kitchen, make a ton of food, and not clean up your mess. If your baby Mama stays home with the baby all day, she already has a lot on her plate, she just doesn't get paid for it. Have some respect and pick up after yourself. I for one try really hard to clean up everyday while Jesse is away and its HARD. Take that into mind, don't be a slob.
6. Ten minutes of tidying up the house when you get home from work is not going to kill you. Whether you work 40 hours a week or you're still a student, helping out around the house is going to help YOU as a dad in the long run. How? Because you're not going to get the 'you never do anything' lecture. Cleaning up for just a few minutes a day is going to help you to steer clear from a LOT of arguments.
7. Women's work does not exist. Get this out of your head. This isn't the nineteen twenties and there is no reason that you can't wash dishes or do laundry on occasion. Pull up your damn pants and put your back into it.
8. Accept now that your love life is not going to be the same. As teenage parents, obviously you have some sort of sex life. That's about to change. Babies are exhausting and I for one want to SLEEP by the time eight o'clock comes around. Once you accept this, you aren't going to be nearly as moody.
9. Diaper duty is not just baby mama's job. It will not kill you to change a diaper. It won't kill you to change several diapers. Suck it up and deal with it. The baby needs changed and someone has to do it.
10. One of the greatest things you could do for your baby's mother is let her sleep at night. Even if you work all day, she's tired too. Give her a couple of nights a week to catch up on sleep. How can you do this? As soon as you hear the baby start to cry, pick them up and figure out their needs. Still dry? Give them a bottle. To get this done as quickly as possible, right before you lay down at night, take two or three bottles into your bedroom, fill them with JUST the water, and have your formula right there. That way, instead of going to the kitchen, grabbing the bottles, and Then mixing it, you just have to put in a couple scoops, shake, and you're good to go. Letting baby mama sleep benefits you too. She won't want to bite your head off nearly as often.
11. If you feel that you NEED a social life. It's time to learn how to schedule one. Chances are, when you get home of a day, mom needs a few minutes of her own personal time. Seriously, once your child is able to crawl, baby mama has NO time to herself to just breathe. Even bathroom time is no longer personal. Work out arrangements with your baby mom. If you want a man day, let her know so she can plan a lady day some other time.
12. Weekends are no longer for partying. Having the OCCASIONAL weekend for you and your girlfriend is one thing. But gone are the days of going out every Friday and not coming back to reality until three o'clock Monday morning. Your baby is your responsibility just as much on the weekends as any other day of the week. Get over it.
13. As common sense as it seems, yelling at your baby is a no no. Not only is this pointless, you're going to piss off your baby mama. Jesse sometimes loses his temper and I can tell you right now, all this does is make me EXTREMELY angry. Yelling and spanking are pointless tactics with infants and children. Keep your cool, gather your thoughts, and have another go.
14. I don't smoke, but sometimes, I need a 'smoke break'. I need that five ten minutes a day to get over my frustrations and I know that dads need that time too. If you know that there is no turning back and your anger is moments from getting the best of you, step outside. Vent to the birds, stamp your feet, and then get your butt back in there and take care of your baby.
15. In addition to 14, if you need a break and your significant other isn't around, put your baby in a SAFE place. A pack'n'play or their crib are ideal places to put them. If your baby is 0-4 months old, make sure any bedding that they may not be able to lift themselves off of is NOT in the crib. (There shouldn't be any thick bedding in the crib anyway) The couch, bed, and floor are NOT suitable places to leave your baby. Now that you have your baby in a safe place, go take your break. Your baby is okay to cry for a few minutes while your getting a hold on yourself.
16. When venting to the birds, don't pick up your cellphone. Leave it alone. You don't need to call your mom or your best friend and tell them how difficult your girlfriend is being or how hard being a parent is. Your mom already knows. You're preaching to the choir. And your best friend doesn't care. They probably don't have a child of their own and they're more worried about the next time they 'get some' than your baby drama. You venting is probably only making it so no one wants to come around.
17. Not every crying session calls for you to take a break. Get over yourself and man up. Chances are, baby mama is just as frustrated and she needs a break too on occasion. Sometimes just a few deep breaths can do the trick.
18. If you and baby mama aren't on good terms, try your hardest to be a good dad BEFORE the court is involved. You might be able to work out an agreement on your own that doesn't involve your wages being garnished. Promise to contribute as much as you can and compromise on a schedule that benefits both of you. As a father, you should want to be involved in your child's life. A common schedule used in the court system is when the dad gets the child on Wednesday's and every other weekend. It doesn't seem like much, but work it out.
19. Again, if you and baby mama aren't together, don't be in her business all the time. Unless you have a concern for the well-being of your child, there isn't a reason to call and text her constantly asking where she's at or what she's doing, especially if its YOUR weekend to have the baby. You have separate lives, leave her alone to enjoy herself while the baby is away.
20. It's not cheesy to show your affection for your baby mama in public. Having a healthy relationship is something to be proud of, and holding hands or the occasional peck on the cheek not only shows others that she's yours, it makes her feel like she's wanted.
21. This does not mean that a make-out session is called for. INTIMACY is for the bedroom. Affection and intimacy are two very different things. Don't get them confused.
22. We understand that you're probably a mama's boy. However, you have your own baby now and there is no need for you to CONSTANTLY be up your mom's butt. Visiting the grandparents on occasion is just fine, but seeing as your teen parents, your own parents probably have other children and obligations. They don't need three other people in their house every other day.
23. As a teen parent, you need to get your own place. If you still live with your own parents, know now that it isn't going to last. Sure, you're happy living with your mom, but is your girlfriend? Living with your parents can be extremely stressful on your significant other, especially if they don't get along. (This is something I know well.)
24. You are NOT going to be able to afford a 500 dollar apartment, plus all of your utilities, PLUS anything else that you might want. (Cable, internet, etc.) You don't need a fancy apartment. As long as its CLEAN and you aren't completely surrounded with drug addicts? An apartment is an apartment and for the mean time, you'll have to deal.
25. Storage is your new best friend. Organizational mechanisms, totes, the whole shebang, they'll help you in the long run. Whether you're sorting the mail, separating out your toiletries, or storing your baby's toys, you need storage. Being able to put things away in a proper place is going to relieve stress for everyone and make clean up a breeze.
26. Don't let the only time you spend with your baby be the time that you're taking care of them. Outside from feeding, changing, and bathing, you need more time to bond with them. Go on walks, play with a few toys, but don't stop that bond from being built. Its much easier to develop it now than later.
27. WATCH YOUR DAMN MOUTH! No seriously. It's only a matter of time before you hear your little one say 'oh, sh**'. Don't let them learn this from you. Cut back on the language now so you don't have to change the habit later.
28. Your baby is going to break your stuff, its only a matter of time. If you want to postpone this from happening, pick up your stuff! If you have your favorite CDs sitting out on the edge of the couch, don't be surprised when they're pulled down and smacked together.
29. The bottom line is that it's no longer about you. Your every waking move NEEDS to be about that baby. If you think you had a crummy childhood, don't let your baby undergo the same thing.
30. Be an example to others. There is a fairly true stereotype that teen parents just aren't good parents. Half of the time, they dump their own kids on their parents and say 'haste la vista!' to parenthood. Under NO circumstances is this okay. If your man enough to lay down and make a baby, your man enough to raise one. I don't care if you're FOURTEEN years old, that baby is YOUR responsibility. Not your moms, not your dads, not your grandparents, YOURS. You and your baby's mom have a lot of work to do. If you don't want to be seen as a crummy parent, don't act like one.
31. This seems self explanatory, but our generation seems to be filled with idiots that have no idea what's good for them. Say no to drugs. It's an expensive habit that just isn't suited for family life. You want to teach your child to be somebody when they get older? You want to show them that they're capable of handling anything? Then don't show them examples of YOU depending on a substance to relieve YOUR frustrations!
32. "It's just pot." No. No its not. If you want to land a decent job and keep it? You'll probably have to pass a drug screening. I don't give a hoot if you don't do it often or if you don't think it changes you at all, is it really worth losing your income over? I didn't think so. The bottom line is that it makes it a heck of a lot more difficult to provide for your family if your spending a ton of money on marijuana or other drugs. On top of that, when you are FIRED for not passing a drug screening? That's on your record. Good luck finding another decent job after that.
33. As much as you might want to, your baby/toddler/child doesn't need a pet. Puppies are cute, yes. But they're expensive. Not quite as expensive as your baby, but expensive. Dog food, vaccinations, chew toys, grooming fees, spaying/neutering etc. Until you are financially stable, (this is going to take a very long time for teenagers) you don't need an animal of any kind.
34. Leave the shopping to baby mama. Baby clothes, diapers, anything baby, leave it to her. She probably knows more about what sizes your baby needs, and she'll most likely have a really great time doing it. At the same time, have a say in what's happening. BUDGETING is your key role, seeing as its often difficult for us mother's to control ourselves around THE cutest outfit we've ever seen.
35. When making a family budget, include EVERYTHING. Eating out, sodas you buy at the gas station, the socks you bought because you can't find a single matching pair, everything. Write down your big bills first and then designate a certain amount of money towards everything else each month.
36. Unless you're in college, you probably don't need internet. Having a baby really brings into perspective what your needs really are. As I AM a college student, I require internet for all of my classes. (I'm an online student). You probably don't need cable either. If you DO have internet and want to watch TV on occasion, sign up for Netflix and HULU. It's a heck of a lot cheaper than paying for cable and you can still catch up on some of your favorite shows. Cutting out cable will save you a lot of money in the long run.
37. Down grade your phone. Especially if you have internet at home, you don't need a phone with internet too. You can cut down your phone bill from 70 dollars to 45 dollars by downgrading to a track phone. Walmart smartphones WITH internet still only cost 45 dollars a month. Even on your cheapest phone plans, your still saving 5 dollars by going with a Walmart phone.
38. Your baby NEEDS to see your face. As important as it is to have a job, and a good one at that, don't work so much that you only see your baby on the weekends. Those few hours after work throughout the week will pay off in the long run. I read somewhere that a man that only sees his child two days a week (the weekend) might as well be a divorced man, seeing as they have the same schedule.
39. Nurture your relationships with both your baby and your girlfriend. Even if your baby didn't show up at the time you expected, or if you weren't planning on having children for a long time, you're still a father, and your baby still needs to be loved just as much now, than if they'd been born later in life. Your girlfriend needs some of that love too. The love and support you show your baby is guaranteed to make her fall in love with you even more, but make sure to set aside some of that extra love just for her. A happy mama is a happy family.
40. It is FAR better to let your baby mama feel like she's right than to argue about it. Chances are, her hormones are raging, she's an emotional wreck, and she needs to feel justified and RIGHT in just about everything she does right now. Pick your fights and be prepared to lose all of those. But don't see it as losing, let her have her way. It WILL benefit you in the long run.
41. Your baby saying 'dad' for the first time is going to blow you out of the water. You or baby mama should write these events down. They only say their first word once, so capture the day on film, or write it down in a baby book. But document it. Your baby will look back on those books and laugh.
42. Make good memories. Don't let the only memories you have of being a teenage parent be memories of stress. Go on mini-vacations during the summer, go fishing, camping, take your toddler to Chuck E Cheese for their birthday. You can do so many things for little to no money. Indulge in these things every once in a while.
43. Accept now that your plan in life has changed. Your professional skateboarding career probably isn't going to happen. You aren't going to be some famous rapper or DJ or anything else. Why? Because if they aren't happening now or in the near future, you aren't going to have the time to get them started. You won't have time because you'll be too busy Actually providing for your family. Participate in these things when you can, but don't expect to make a career out of them anymore.
44. Life isn't going to slow down. You only have so many times to stop and really appreciate things before the moment is gone. Appreciate every single moment you have with your baby, even if they are screaming their head off. You are. So. Unbelievably. Fortunate to have had the capability to create that child. And you probably have no idea of how unbelievably precious these moments are, and how easily they can be taken away.
45. Even as dads, you need to read and keep up with everything that is happening in your baby's life. Read warning labels, books about parenting, everything. Educate yourself about crib and sleep safety so you NEVER have to wake up to your baby, motionless and cold in their crib, or in your own bed. You can never know too much. And taking a few minutes out of your day to really LEARN about how to take care of your baby, could very easily save their life.
46. Being a first time parent at our age is terrifying. I've read book after book, article after article about every baby subject under the sun and I'm still scared. I've seen first hand the devastation of SIDS and I don't ever want to experience that. I thank my lucky stars every day when I wake up to a smiling baby in the crib. Be THANKFUL for every single second that you have with your baby. You don't ever get those minutes back.
47. One of the hardest decisions you will have to make before your baby is even born is whether you should stay or go. Some people are truly not meant to be parents. And in reality, even if you helped create that life, both you and the mother have the opportunity to walk away. I BEG of you, if you choose to walk away, make one hundred percent certain someone is there to step in. If you know that there is never going to be a relationship between you and the baby's mother, inform her of this. Push for adoption before all else. Please. Even dad's regret abortion, and even though it's a viable option, there are still consequences.
48. If you decide to stay, go all in. By you and your girlfriend keeping the baby, you're making it so a family that IS financially stable, and IS ready for a baby, isn't able to step in and be the parents that they're dying to be. You need to work your hardest to become financially stable. You want to be able to say someday that you are what's best for your baby.
49. As no-brainer as it is. Don't have any more kids. As a teen dad, you don't NEED anymore financial responsibility. You didn't want any responsibilities to begin with, so why add even more responsibilities onto the mountain high list you already have now? Babies are a blessing. They are wonderful and beautiful, a total godsend. But they are work. They are constant hours of crying, and stress, and anger. They give you so much love, but so many aspects of your life disappear because of a baby. If you can't control your urge to sleep with everything that moves, make sure that birth control is being used. Use a condom. BE SMART ABOUT SEX. You now know that babies aren't dropped from the sky by a huge stork with a blue hat. Now that you know that, take precautions so another bouncing baby isn't dropped into your lap.
50. My biggest piece of advice is to love unconditionally. If you want a long committed relationship with your girlfriend, show her that you are here to stay. And no matter what, love your baby. Be there for them and comfort them no matter how many times you wake up in the night. They won't appreciate it when they're older. They probably won't even recognize how hard it was for you as teen parents. When your kids are old enough, tell them what you've learned and tell them that as much as you love them, you don't want your child to have to go through what you did. Tell them to wait to have kids, to abstain from sex, to be smart when they do have sex, and that no matter what happens, you'll still always love them.
Now, go be a good dad.
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