There are so many people that are under the impression that they're going to have a baby, the baby is going to love them, and all is going to be well. They think that they're going to get married and live happily ever after, mommy, daddy, and baby. I think if people were to get that misconception out of their heads and prepare themselves for REALITY instead of some warped fantasy that they've created in their minds, everyone would be much better off. This is what this blog is going to do. I'm going to give you five harsh, but extremely true realities that most people aren't prepared to hear.
1. As much as people don't want to believe it, your baby doesn't instantly adore you, nor does it show it's affection like you'd hoped it would. Most people want to think that the moment you hold your baby they immediately show you undying affection, and that's really not the case. Granted, in the first few hours, a great bond is forged, that doesn't mean that you'll have this wonderful perfect connection from that moment forward. When James was born, I was honestly terrified. I loved him, of course I did, I carried him around for over nine months waiting to see his face. But my point is this, love takes time and your baby isn't going to show it to you how you'd probably expect. Sweet cuddles only last until your baby is old enough to arch it's back and scream at you to put them down (It Will happen). And the only real sign of affection you'll notice is that when you pick them up, they'll stop crying (for the most part). In short, as a new parent, you earn their love every single day.
2. This whole, "I'm going to wake up in the morning, walk into my babies room and see him smiling at me." thing, is the biggest lie ever, at least in some aspects. For starts, you aren't going to walk into your babies room. You'll most likely be crawling into his room, if he has his own room at all. He's probably not going to be smiling for a long LONG time. You aren't going to be able to wake up to a smile, you'll wake up to a scream. In fact, it's the same scream that's kept you up night after night for the past eight months. When he does smile, it's at three in the morning when he's decided to wake up for the day and want's to play. These are not happy smiles, they're mischievous smiles, and though it's totally adorable, you'll learn to partially dread them for a very very long time.
3. And then there are those that think they'll be able to go out every few weekends or so and hang out with friends. Seriously? Do people actually do that? All of this Teen Mom crap about how the grandparents are all like 'oh, of course sweetie, go out to that club and have a good time." is total BOGUS. In what universe does that ACTUALLY happen? It's been MONTHS since I've had an overnight baby sitter!!!!!!! MONTHS!!!!!! And to be honest, I'm going just a tiny bit insane. I don't sleep. I don't see friends. And half of the time I can't even eat anything because James throws monstrous fits right as I'm about to sit down and eat a sandwich. No grandparent, especially fairly young grandparents like my mother, wants to spend their weekend watching a teething, fussy, grumpy, LOUD, baby when they could be at the bar, or better yet, sleeping.
4. "I'm going to finish school, go to college, have a job, and see my baby every day all at the same time." This is most likely not going to happen. Sure, I was long out of high school before baby James made his appearance, but college, job, AND James, from experience, was extremely hard to pull off. That, and I never really got to see James. When I was home, I was doing homework, I was gone at a practically full time job for most of the time, and by the time I was done with everything, James was either sleeping or I was so tired that I needed to sleep. The reality is, at most, you might be able to do two of those things at a time without snapping. Either a job and the baby, school and the baby, or school and a job (not preferred). Being able to balance all three is a nothing short of a miracle.
5. Life doesn't stop to let you regain composure so you can take on another day. More and more and more gets dumped on you every day until you honestly can't handle any more. Phone bills, car insurance, health insurance, gas, car accidents, emergency room visits, negative bank accounts, ramen noodles every night for three weeks... unless you get everything handed to you, you'll have to deal with all of this by yourself, just like Jesse and I have. We've thought dozens of times that it couldn't get any worse, and then it did. And the truth? It doesn't get better unless you start to make a change. This coming semester, I won't be able to take college classes, we just can't afford me NOT having a full time, well paying job. So instead I'm applying at a factory where I'll be making 13 dollars an hour, just like Jesse, so we can pay off our debts and focus on James. I won't be able to see James nearly as often as I do now, which is really going to tough, but I'd rather be able to afford those extra cans of formula that James desperately needs than have to struggle to get to the end of the month.
Life is TOUGH. And people have way too many misconceptions that a baby is going to make their lives perfect when in reality, they make it that much harder. James is THE light of my life. He makes me want to do better for him. But I'd be lying if I said that life is perfect just the way it is. I love you buddy. Always <3
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