1. School. Are you even out of high school yet? What about college? Luckily, I was 19 and well out of high school before James was born, but still. Had James Actually been planned, I would have waited until I was well out of my college years as well. Its no picnic working on tons of homework and having a baby on your hip to boot! College is stressful enough without a baby, so definitely take that into consideration before participating in acts that produce children.
2. It's not about the money? Bull crap. It's ALL about the money. Money pays bills, buys gas and food, pays for formula and diapers, as well as anything else that your baby truly needs in order to survive. But money takes work, like a job for instance. And it's not just about having a job. A safe rule to go by is to have half a years salary in the bank before having a child. That's a LOT of money when you think about it, and that should aaaaaall be saved up BEFORE a baby comes into the picture.
3. Dreams. Did you want to take a big vacation before you possibly went off to college? Travel the world with a future hubby? Well, babies make that much more difficult, especially if you don't have money to begin with. Being pregnant alone limits what you can do quite a bit, let alone Actually having a baby to lug around wherever you have to go.
4. Even if you don't have a healthy relationship with your family, you need to think about them before you have sex. Not literally RIGHT before you have sex, that would be weird. But before you get yourself into a situation that you can't get out of. Sex is meant for babies. Babies come from sex. So before lying down and participating in sexual escapades of any kind, it's always a good idea to think about if at that very moment, you'd be prepared for a baby. (Keep in mind I'm writing these from experience as well as hindsight.) One of the hardest things to do when I found out I was pregnant was tell my grandfather. He's always looked at me as the good one, the one that got straight A's, the one that was really going to do something in life. I thought he'd think less of me for getting pregnant and upon telling him, he told me that all babies are blessings, he'd just hoped I'd be married first. I cried, obviously, but he still came to the hospital and still looked at James like he was the most perfect grandson he could have asked for. Anyway, the point of this one is to realize that babies don't just affect you, it takes a village.
5. This is probably one of my bigger points. Are you, your parents/ caretakers, or your boyfriends parents/ caretakers on any kind of government assistance? Yes? Then you sure as hell better be on a decent form of birth control because you shouldn't even be thinking about babies! It is THE hardest thing in the world to raise a child when NO ONE has money. The government does not want to raise your baby, nor provide for your baby. That's your job. So, at the very least, if you're on foodstamps, or medicaid, or anything like that, try your darndest to at least have one, better yet two, methods of birth control.
6. I know I already talked about money. But money comes from a job, and frankly, McDonalds isn't going to cut it. In a perfect world for a baby, you and baby daddy would make over 50,000 dollars a year. That way, your baby could be relatively taken care of and you wouldn't CONSTANTLY be struggling. It's time to send baby daddy off to the factory and if you're in school, you need to find a part time job with semi sustainable income. Nursing homes are almost always hiring, and even laundry positions tend to pay much better than flipping burgers at the local restaurant.
7. Living space. Seriously. You do NOT want to be cooped up with you, your boyfriend (if your parents let you) and a baby, all in the same room that you've grown up in your entire life. That one room is going to grow smaller and smaller as the diaper pile grows bigger and bigger. You want, no, you NEED to have your own place in order to have a baby. It's hard living with your parents while you're trying to learn to be a parent, and honestly, it's not recommended.
8. Do you think your current boyfriend would be a good dad? Really.... sit down and really think about it. Sure, they might be cute, but are they going to WANT to stay home every Saturday night with the baby? Jesse and I haven't seen any of our friends in MONTHS, and since James has been born, I'm pretty sure we've averaged less than five days of time spent away from the baby. But Jesse is amazing, even though he's a total jerk bag at times, but he's still a wonderful dad. But even if your bo IS daddy material, it's still best to put children off for as long as you can... 23-25 would definitely be a lot better than 15 or 16.
9. Do you like having a life outside of your home? Do you like having clean clothes for more than ten minutes? Clean hair? Bathing? If you said yes to most of these things, then mommy hood is not for you, at least not while you're a teenager. Firstly, it's usually just James and me here while Jesse is at work. My clothes are almost always covered in some sort of bodily fluid via James, my hair is usually covered in slobber, and I'm lucky if I get to get a bath three days in a row. Sure, I love every slobbery minute of it, but I've also never been one to Want to go out and do things. If you ARE that kind of person, like I said, hold off on children.
10. Lastly, I understand that this blog probably seems like a no-brainer. But honestly, there are still going to be people that read this that are still going to think that being a teen mom is going to be a total dream, and that's really not the case. This last tip is to say that no matter what, no matter if you THINK you're ready or not, whether you're not even trying to get pregnant but you still want to have sex as a teenager anyway, no matter WHAT, you're not ready. THINK before you have sex and know that things happen, and no method of contraception is full proof, except one. If you AREN'T ready for motherhood, then the best thing you could do is abstain from sex, or at least be smart about it. And for those who Are wanting to get pregnant, those who are far too young to truly want it, please just wait. Okay? Babies are beautiful, they truly are. But I'd be lying if I said that at times, I'm not sure if there's more good or bad. Car payments are killing me right now, I'm down to one day a week at a part time job that doesn't pay me enough for what I do, and I think ramen is going to be on the menu for the next month. There is nothing glamorous about motherhood, and you're only young once. I love my life how it is now, so if you love yours just the way it is, keep it that way.
Much love from James and I
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